Piranha 34-DD

Piranha 3D, written by Peter Goldfinger and Josh Stolberg, directed by Alexandre Aja, starring Elisabeth Shue (Sheriff), Jerry O’Connell (Derrick Jones), Steven R. McQueen (Jake), Jessica Szohr (Kelly), Ving Rhames (Deputy), Richard Dreyfuss (Boyd), and Christopher Lloyd (Goodman) (2010): Much-hyped, relative tongue-in-cheek remake of what was already a tongue-in-cheek original. Released from some sort of underground pool into a lake by seismic activity, giant prehistoric piranhas make a beeline for a ‘Girls Gone Wild’-style Spring Break. Boobs and blood ensue.

The relatively high-profile cast hinders rather than helps — Lloyd and Dreyfuss probably seemed a lot funnier choices in the idea stage than they are on-screen, Rhames has nothing to do, and Shue is such a non-entity here that the casting is irrelevant. O’Connell does have some funny moments as the lecherous producer of the ‘Girls Gone Wild’-style video production; blink and you’ll miss Eli Roth, who now seems to act almost as much as he directs.

There’s nothing really wrong with the movie, and there’s a surprising amount of female nudity for a 21st-century horror flick, but I’m hard-pressed to find anything to recommend, so lightly not recommended.

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